Randomness is cool

Wednesday, 1st February. 9am (sharp). Rather an interesting date and time to write about randomness. But here I am. I decided to finally give this blog a name and a purpose --a random one, of course-- after I noticed I have lost all sense of what makes life amusing; at least, my life. I was horrified!

While some humans, such as my sister, feel comfortable having a daily routine, I do not. I feel trapped if there is excess routine in my day, in my week, in my life. I need the random element that keeps things interesting, exciting, amusing. This sense of amusement has been the key element to avoid boredom in my life.

It has been this sense of amusement, a sense of randomness that has found myself never understanding why some humans get bored. “I never get bored,” I have always said. Until recently, when I found myself thinking my life has suddenly turned boring.

Suddenly? Not quite. This has been a process. A slow one. A process that has actually started in March 2020. Yes. You know what happened. We all know what happened.

I was in the middle of one of my most exciting adventures: Touring England in search of interesting stories. From Bury St Edmunds, to the countryside, to Birmingham to Cambridge to Oxford. Every day was a different adventure. Everyday was different and I loved it. I miss that.

Since then, my life has gradually turned boring. In part, due to my resistance to going anywhere crowded. Yes, still. I developed a sort of anxiety I didn’t have before. This evolved to the point of a panic attack, which I initially thought was an actual heart attack since the symptoms in both conditions are the same.

Half a day under observation in the ER and several tests later, my heart was great and my panic attack was confirmed. Where was this coming from? From the evolution of a high level of anxiety which was interfering in my daily life. All thanks to the virus, the pandemic, and all that jazz.

The fact that I am spending a rather longer than usual period “rooted” to the same place has created routine, boredom, anxiety, and even depression lately. I can recognise the symptoms that are dragging me into a hole into where I do not want to fall.

I know how to fight this. I just need to pack, get a ticket somewhere, and fly. A change of scenery and environment is the best remedy for me. It revives me. “So, why don’t you do it?,” you think.

Well, there is a little detail: I adopted a bunny almost a year ago and as I am finding out, travelling with my bunny is not as easy. Not impossible, though. And I will get there.

But for now, this lack of randomness in my life is asphyxiating me. And this is where I am right now.

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